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Tag Archives: Identity

Pornographic Identity

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The average single man watches porn for 40 minutes, three times a week. That’s two hours a week, and 104 hours per year. The average male views porn for the first time at age 11, which means by the time he is 30 he will have watched almost 2,000 hours of pornography. For the average man in a relationship it is only slightly different. A married man, or man in a steady dating relationship, will watch porn 1.7 days a week for 20 minutes. Perhaps more alarming, 90 percent of men watch pornography.That is really scary to think about. According to that statistic, 12 out of the 13 men in my small group at church are watch porn nearly 2 days a week.

William Struthers talks about how prolonged exposure to porn affects relationships. In his book Wired for Intimacy, he writes:

Because of these cognitive structures and the ability to store sexual images that are associated with sexual arousal and gratification, the minds of many men become hidden, personalized adult film studios. Any women they have seen and anyone else they can imagine are their performers. As porn and fantasy take control of the mind, it becomes a dream theater that is transposed over the waking world. Every woman they come into contact with is objectified, undressed and evaluated as a willing (or unwilling) mental sexual partner. She is rated on her imagined sexual proficiency and then either stored for later use or discarded as worthless. This mental consumption of a person is a violation of the image of God in each of us.

The frequent use of porn shapes the way a man views and relates to all women, not just those on his computer screen.

It affects the marital relationship too. Women admit that their husbands are asking them to do things in the bedroom that they do not feel comfortable doing, things that their husbands have seen in pornography. Men admit it too. They want their wives to look like and act like porn stars for their own enjoyment. Some men and women even find their marital sexual life boring after prolonged use of pornography.

The reality is, pornography is a problem because identity is a problem. How men view and identify their wives is a problem. When husbands identify their wife as a sexual object they make her a slave to their desires. Self satisfaction becomes an idol. This is just the beginning. The problem then extends to the kids. The children are annoying and irritating, disruptive to the ideal life and taking away from the pleasure of the father. Everything in life becomes a sacrifice to be made at the altar of the man’s desire.

The answer? Of course, it is the gospel. Paul remarks in Ephesians 5,

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

Husbands, we need to understand and believe by faith, that Christ died (layed down his life) for his bride, for us. Understanding the gospel in this way transforms our thoughts and affections. It allows us to serve our wives and esteem them as more important than ourselves. It frees us from the slavery of porn and gives us the joy to love our wives as our own bodies, cherishing her for who she is, and not for who we wish she could be. Understanding who we are, who our wife is, and who Christ is and what he has done is the freedom we need to break the chains of slavery and release our hearts to love God and our wives as we should.

Hope In God

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Hope in God who is trustworthy as the only living and true God. He is our Rock, Refuge and Salvation. Our trust in the strength and kindness of God assures us of the hope of our deliverance, and allows our hearts to find its security, rest and joy in the all-satisfying-ness of God.

As bad as the times may be, as desolate as our lives seem, as insulting as are our enemies are, as hopeless as we appear in the sight of man, there is no true cause for despair. There is only one in whom our souls can trust and find rest. We have a promise of restoration; he is as good as he is powerful; hope therefore in God, our great King and Creator, the source of all joy.

Our Living and True God

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In I Thessalonians 1:6-7, 9 Paul praises the Thessalonian church for an evidence of grace he sees in them. He says,

“And you became imitators of us and of the Lord, for you received the word in much affliction, with the joy of the Holy Spirit so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia … For they themselves report … how you turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God.”

Paul’s praise is a response to the Thessalonians turning from idolatry to the “living and true God.” The description of God as “living and true” is a direct and intentional contrast to the dead and false pagan idols of the day. Isaiah contrasts dead and false pagan idols to the living and true God this way:

“To whom then will you liken God,
or what likeness compare with him?

An idol! A craftsman casts it,
and a goldsmith overlays it with gold
and casts for it silver chains.

He who is too impoverished for an offering
chooses wood that will not rot;
he seeks out a skillful craftsman
to set up an idol that will not move.
Do you not know? Do you not hear?
Has it not been told you from the beginning?
Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth?

It is he who sits above the circle of the earth,
and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers;
who stretches out the heavens like a curtain,
and spreads them like a tent to dwell in;
who brings princes to nothing,
and makes the rulers of the earth as emptiness.”

It is as ridiculous as it sounds. Men using dead materials to create dead idols who cannot speak, cannot hear, and cannot move. They are utterly powerless to do anything, yet people bow down their hearts before them and put their trust in them.  Fast-forward to modern day and the situation hasn’t changed very much. There are still many people groups all over the world who still worship dead and dumb idols. Western civilized nations worship at the altar of status and stuff.  Both people are equally guilty of trusting in things that promise everything and can deliver nothing.

Contrast that with God. He is above the whole earth ruling with immeasurable power and able to do anything and everything. With a wave of his hand and a spoken word, God spreads out the sky and hangs the stars each by name. God rules in power and majesty as the only true and living King over all the nations of the world.

Affectionate Hearts

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Far too often we allow our hearts to live like Pharisees; content to put on a show of love and affection for God that does not really exist. We feel obligated to perform out of fear of criticism and rejection from others, or even from God. Many times we perform to gain the admiration and respect of God and others. The modern remedy says to “suck it up” and do it whether you “feel” like it or not. But God is not impressed with how well we can perform, and our performance will never change us from the outside-in. “Doing the right thing” will never change our heart.

Praising God with eloquent lips will never give us affectionate hearts. Rather, trusting God by faith for all that he is and all that he has done for us in Jesus Christ will give us an affection for him that cannot be contained. A heart of love will erupt in a life of joy and words of praise to our great and good God.

A Lesson From Daniel

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Nebuchadnezzar was the proud king of Babylon who ignored the God of Israel and saw himself as greater than God. But God humbled Nebuchadnezzar:

“He was driven from among men and ate grass like an ox, and his body was wet with the dew of heaven till his hair grew as long as eagles’ feathers, and his nails were like birds’ claws.  At the end of the days I, Nebuchadnezzar, lifted my eyes to heaven, and my reason returned to me, and I blessed the Most High, and praised and honored him who lives forever, for his dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom endures from generation to generation; all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, ‘What have you done?’”

Nebuchadnezzar no longer saw himself as the source of his greatness, but he saw the God of Israel as the truly great One and the only One worthy of being treasured and receiving praise. Once Nebuchadnezzar was humbled and understood and treasured God for who he truly was, his heart could not help but burst into praise to God the Most High.

Adoring God Through Praising God (Part 1)

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Psalm 19:14 says, “Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.” David understands the connection between words of praise and a heart of worship. He does not simply pray that the words of his mouth be acceptable, but that the meditations of his heart as well.

How can David’s words of praise be acceptable to God? By God making the meditations of David’s heart acceptable. Notice how David refers to God in his heart. He calls God, “LORD, my rock and my redeemer.” The meditations of David’s heart are on God as his sovereign Lord who is the strong, stable and true redeemer of David’s life. As David meditates on God’s sovereignty, surety and kind compassion as redeemer his heart is welled up with affection for his God. With such a heart so lovingly devoted to God it would be impossible for David’s words not to be acceptable.

God is Adorable

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When people adore others, they rarely, if ever, speak negatively about them. They only have good things to say about them. The phrase “singing it praises” comes from this idea. To adore something so much that you constantly and incessantly speak well of it is to “sing its praises.”

God is worthy of our praise and adoration. More than anyone else, God is “adorable.” He is more than able to be adored; he is worthy to be adored. That’s what Paul says is most important. Of all the things that we can do in service to God or on behalf of God, the most important thing is to praise God.

Praising God is not merely a mouthing of words; it is much bigger than that. Our words of praise should flow from a heart of adoration. Our praise should be the direct result of a genuine affection for God; affection for God is true worship.

In Isaiah 29:13 God says, “This people draw near with their mouth and honor me with their lips, while their hearts are far from me.” Empty ritualism is not true worship of God. Praising God with your lips while your heart pursues joy in status or stuff is hypocrisy. That is why Jesus himself used this verse against the Pharisees of his day (Matthew 15:7-9). The Pharisees were experts in putting on a show. They could appear on the outside to be devoted to God, but their hearts were consumed with self. They were preoccupied with getting praise and respect from others. All of their acts of righteousness were done to serve themselves; to make themselves appear great and thus win the praise of men.

The problem with the Pharisees was not that they didn’t praise God enough, or give God enough credit for the good things in their life. The problem with the Pharisees was that everything they did and every word of praise they uttered to God was done out of a heart that worshiped (valued and treasured) themselves more highly than God.

How God is Blessed

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“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ . . .” – Eph 1:3

Three times in this short verse Paul uses some form of the Greek word εὐλογέω (yoo-log-eh’-o). This word is where we get our modern English word “eulogy.” When someone dies, it is usually the responsibility of a close relative or friend to give a eulogy at the funeral. They will say something nice about or speak well of the deceased. In a sense, they are “praising” the person as having lived a “good life” as a “good person.”

When the ancient authors of the New Testament wrote Greek they put the words that they wanted to emphasize or the words that were most important at the beginning of the sentence. While the English translators of the Bible translate the sentence correctly, the English sentences sometimes fail to communicate the importance that the original writers intended to convey. The first word Paul uses in the sentence is “Blessed” (εὐλογητός). He wants his readers to understand what is so significant about their God. Eὐλογητός is actually made up of two words “εὐ” (eu), which means “good”, and λόγος (logos), which means “word.” So this compound Greek word can literally be translated “to speak a good word” or more loosely, “to praise.”

Another word that we get from εὐλογέω is the English word “adorable.” I have often used this term many times to describe my own nieces and nephews. However, the original meaning of this word has changed over time. The word “adorable” comes from two words meaning “able to be adored.” We use the word “adore” a lot in modern English. I’ve heard young teenage girls say something like, “I simply adore him” when referring to their favorite pop star.  This is actually getting closer to the original meaning.  To “adore” something means “to have a strong affection for.” Little children are adorable (able to be adored) because often their innocence stirs our hearts with love and affection for them. Young teens “adore” their favorite pop stars. Their hearts prize and value them very highly and often more than anyone else. For us it is God who is to be adored, treasured, and worshiped above everything and everyone else.

Humilty: A Goal for Our Identity

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I’m not humble. Few of us actually are. But the crazy thing about the gospel is that when God looks at us through Christ, he sees us as perfectly humble. In Philippians 2 Pauls says, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant,being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

Christ is the ultimate model of humility. He was God, yet became a human. We are human, and we strive our hardest to be a god, to be worshiped and adored by others. But Christ, who was God, did not come demanding to be served and worshiped (even though he had every right to). Christ came to serve and give the glory he deserved to his Father. In the words of C.S. Lewis, “As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on thing and people: and, of course, as long as you are looking down you cannot see something that is above you.” If we perceive ourselves to be the lowest, then we can look up and see and serve everyone.

As Christ himself said, “He who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.”

The Word & Worship (Part 2)

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In Psalm 19:7-8a, David echoes the very same truths of the Apostle Paul. He says, “The law of the LORD is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart.” God’s Word is perfect. It does not contain any errors or mistakes. Whenever it speaks it speaks the truth. God’s Word is trustworthy and reliable. We can put our trust in it and it will never steer us wrong. God’s Word is just. It is authoritative on everything is speaks about. It is fair and final in everything. Because of all this, God’s Word revives our soul and gives us strength. It opens our eyes to behold the glory of God and savor it. It gives us the grace and wisdom we so desperately need to live our daily life. It causes our hearts to rejoice in soul satisfying joy. Knowing and experiencing God comes through knowing His Word. David trusts the Lord because he trusts His Word.

As God’s Word becomes more and more a part of our life, the more we appreciate the words of Jonathan Edwards:

“There is a difference in believing that God is holy and gracious, and having a new sense on the heart of the loveliness and beauty of that holiness and grace. The difference between believing that God is gracious and tasting that God is gracious is as different as having a rational belief that honey is sweet and having the actual sense of its sweetness.”

We don’t want to just know that God is lovely; we want to experience His loveliness. We don’t just want to know about God, but experience his him. In experiencing God we experience his love, and in return, we love him more. Love for God will overpower any desire for status or stuff that the world has to offer. We experience God’s overpowering love by faith as we renew our minds with the Word of God.

CyberChimps